Bury

It was in the office, during miracle time that I was Idle, when I drowned in a deep state of contemplating. Hearing the sounds of keyboards, printers and paper shredders, the momentary chikahan while everyone working and trying to reach their deadlines.

You can see me in my area, in a corner were I found solace next to home, quiet, reserved on my spot, alone, I was reading this quotation that says…

“It hurts to breathe because every breath I take proves I can't live without you. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again. The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. Love is unconditional, relationships are not. For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, It might have been.”

Then memories attack me… like a defenseless child… accepting all the attack and cannot hit back!

I wonder, Why is it hard for me to forget and move on with my life? Is it because I'm hopeless romantic? Is it because I am TRULY IN LOVE WITH TRUE LOVE. That I will do anything to be with the person I love. Is it because I'm emotional? That I believe in fairy tales, in happy endings…Darn for this sentimental dreamer attitude. I'm a guy for crying out loud! There were no days that passed that I never thought of that ghost... Why do can't I forget him? That memoirs will be like just a cigarette smoke, you will take in, after a moment, you will take out… We've only been together for just 3 freaking months! Is it the Sex? Is it because he was the one that I wanted? Or is it because that I was just really in love with him... I keep telling myself that this will pass, this is just part of life… But it's been couple of months already and his face still lingers in my mind... I tried to think of the things that I didn't like about him: He had a weird way of looking at things, doesn't believe in God and His works, a person with bad attitude and personality... But why can't I forget about him?!? I have a busy and decent job in a BPO company, , a very, very busy task, but still... Why can't I forget about him?!? I'm so fucked up! I keep on telling my friends that I am okay, making myself believe that I am, but honestly I am not, I am still broken inside…..

No one really understand how does it felt... Apathetically saying unhelpful things. I cannot blame them!

Its really crazy to figure why it turn out like that. As they say, things happen for a reason. I may not understand it right now but as time goes by, I know, I am going to find out why...Me, myself, I felt so empty. I don’t know how to start my life again without him because every time I tried to forget him, I just end up missing him. I just let my heart get tired maybe that’s the first thing to do. and that is what I am doing right now—wait till my heart give up.

A confidant once told me that “You fell in love friend, control it again and who knows, you might get luckier the next time around, It is okay to never forget these things, because they are a part of the element of who you are. they are slice of the puzzle that make up your story, and throwing away any of those pieces altogether would take away the magnificence of the final picture. one day, this list won't be as unsullied in your mind, and won't sting as badly when you think about each thing.”

Basically the only thing I'm doing is, “avoiding” contact with the person, putting memories into a box and just seeing any places that we ever went to as "just a place". And now the only thing I have left to do is...pretend the pillow I am hugging every night is nothing BUT a pillow I hug to keep me warm... Restraining memories isn't a fun thing to do. We probably just do it because we believe it'll remove the "hurt" we feel after we've broken up.

“In my opinion, I like to carry the pieces of loves past with me inside as a memento of who I was at that point in time, and all of the ways that I’ve changed since then. while I hope to find the comfort that time brings, know that I do still understand how badly it hurts. I still have trouble forgetting the way that certain past loves made me feel, but then I ask myself: why forget? keep it as a part of me, but don't let that be a hindrance from moving forward.”

“Maaring nasa purgatoryo pa ang Ghost na yun, hindi na ko makapaghintay na kunin na siya ng liwanag at tuluyang makatawid sa dako pa roon.”

---- Blink, Blink, nagising ako sa malalim na pag iisip dahil sa kulay orange na kumukuti-kutitaptitap sa Task Bar ng monitor ko, Si boss pala at may Job na ako….